Hey blog readers, I’m back with another Singles series. Woohoo! Today’s topic: the breakup. Lord knows I’m an absolute expert.
(AND I love Vin Diesel…completely unrelated, but, hey, if I’m sharing).
Alright, let’s talk about some of the pros and cons of dating.
On the positive side, dating can be awesome!
In short, we meet someone new and get the opportunity to learn about what makes them tick. So great! After all, life is about relationships. Our souls warm as a new personal connection exposes us to new ideas and new perspectives.
But, a failed relationship can cause massive fallout.
Honestly, I’m not jaded and still have hope in humanity (on most days) that relationships can be built to last (insert ironclad sound here). However, my little heart (or rather my very big, blind heart) cannot take another deathblow.
Why? Well, a breakup can be a bomb, wiping out everything in its path. Not just the relationship, but both people. Undoubtedly, the separation shatters life into multiple pieces.
Not fun.
Ironically, when the radio plays that new breakup song, Be Alright, I blissfully sing along. Understand, though, I can only listen happily because I’ve healed from my past relationships. If my soul had recently undergone a breakup, I wouldn’t be able to tolerate the lyrics. Breakups can be THAT bad.
So, what are the toughest parts of a breakup?
1. The hope
A breakup brings about a dissolution of the hope for finding one’s soulmate. Now, I can’t speak for guys, but most women envision their future lives with their significant others. When the breakup occurs, this dream of the future with a “forever person” (my new phrase) is annihilated, and we feel more alone than ever.
2. The space
Breaking up leaves a gap in life where that person used to be. Prior to the beginning of a relationship, activities and interests fill our lives.
However, as we build commitments, life gets restructured to make room for the other person. And, this is normal and appropriate. Consequently, when a person leaves, the old life doesn’t automatically fall in to fill the hole left behind.
3. The quiet
Having a relationship with someone means having someone to talk to about your day (I miss this!). To explain, I have close friends though almost none whom I speak with every day. But when I’m in a relationship, communication tends to occur on a daily basis whether via text, face-to-face, or over the phone.
After a breakup, all of a sudden the communication outlet vanishes. Every moment I have something to share but can’t reminds me that my “former person” is gone. A free flow of communication transforms into a blockage.
*Please know that many times the breakup is necessary. Doubly, breakups can be considered a successful outcome of a relationship when people are inappropriately matched.
So what do we do during a breakup?
First, we have to allow ourselves to grieve the lost hope. Dear readers, the end of a relationship is a very big deal. The biggest. It is okay to feel sad.
Allow your emotions to work themselves through. Welcome the time of healing. No matter whether the other person acted wrongly or if you both had irreconcilable differences, you have a right to grieve. In fact, you should grieve.
You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book? (Psalm 56:8 ESV)
Secondly, you must fill the space. To be perfectly honest, I used Law & Order to fill the space after one breakup. For me, Mariska Hargitay can fix nearly anything (I’m not recommending this, just being honest).
After that initial grieving process, try to volunteer and slowly begin to reassess your goals. Giving back to those in need initiates a positive emotional feedback cycle which can be very beneficial on the heels of a breakup.
Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God (Hebrews 13:16).
Thirdly, you need to find some other way to vent. Make a list of friends with whom you haven’t spoken in a while and check in with them. Even before that, try journaling. Write down your feelings about your day. Free-form one page each day to allow yourself an outlet.
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity (Proverbs 17:17).
Breakup Conclusion
Hey, I know it’s not easy (Oh, believe me, I know!). I’ve had my poor heart trashed more times than I care to tell you. And, it sucks.
But like most things, it’s not the end. A breakup may seem like the end, but trust me, it isn’t. There are mountains to climb, people to meet, and experiences to enjoy. You just have to get through this tough part.
Praying for you,
K.
*No photos from past relationships were used because I did not want to dishonor anyone regardless of circumstances.
Ms. Kelly; never dated the wrong guy, but married the wrong woman once. I wore my wedding band on the wrong hand for the last five years of our marriage (but I digress). I can’t speak to breakups ma’am (way too long ago for me to remember the pain), but I am certain there was pain back then. So instead of offering sage wisdom from a old fart who can’t remember the last time he was on a date that wasn’t with his wife, I’m going to be praying for you. My prayer, a simple request that God prepare your heart for the man He has already selected for you, for God to prepare that young man’s heart, and for both of you to remember that the best marriages are made up of five persons (husband, wife, and I bet you can guess the other three.) God’s blessings young lady.
Thank you so much for your prayers. I’m going to live my life walking in what God has for me…whatever that may be. (Though, truthfully, some days are more difficult than others).
I haven’t broken lately. I enjoyed your writing and your honesty. Great writing. Love ya.
Lucky you!!!!
You nailed it.