Hey blog family! Recently, a friend of mine scoped out a new place for his business. Before he walked through the door, texts dinged with complaints of why the place wasn’t perfect. Hence, I began to ponder in my own psyche, “Why do I seek perfection?”
Seek Perfection?
The truth is there’s something I gain from trying to be perfect. My habits and defenses flush out a perceived gain, even if I’m not aware of it. Hear me out.
What I Gain
1. Getting to be right
This is huge. If I do things correctly, then that makes me right and you wrong. I’m right. You’re wrong. Why does this matter? Unfortunately, we live in a comparative culture. Everyone looks at how everyone else stacks up against them. Being right means I get points.
It’s funny… it’s not like I win an award or something for how close I come to being perfect or when I’m right. And, there is no universal definition of perfect. Yet, there is something sadly alluring about being able to be the best (even in my own mind).
2. Feel like I’m enough
#insecurity. This, too, stems from comparison but from an internal comparison. If I can get from A to B, then I’m good enough. If I’m perfect enough, then people will accept me, people will love me. When I do a good job, I will be valued.
People don’t respond that way, however, because whether someone values me or not has a lot to do with who they are as a person and less to do with the grade I give myself for my performance. Genuine relationships will not be based upon you being perfect.
3. The illusion of control
My life is a house of cards that can topple at any time. So, is yours. Yet, it’s so enticing to believe that if I get everything finished and if it’s done right, THEN I can prevent bad things from happening. THEN everything will be fine.
There’s plenty in my life which is beyond my control. After all, I am only responsible for my own behavior… one person among billions. BILLIONS. That’s not even counting weather or natural disasters. Conflict will always exist. Count on it.
Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes (James 4:14 NIV).
Overcoming Perfection
Truthfully, I’ve struggled with perfection because for the majority of my life I’ve suffered a low sense of self-worth. Self-loathing even. Ever hate yourself? Believe me, it’s not fun. I think I used to seek perfection and established my “gains” as a way of combating this. But, finding who I am in God has been the only thing that buoyed me up over the years.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well (Psalm 139:14 NIV).
Here’s the thing: I will never be perfect. Not because I’m wrong or not enough or can’t control my own reactions. And, don’t take this the wrong way: you’ll never be perfect either.
Because there is no such thing as perfect.
Perfection is like the Easter bunny or Santa Claus. It’s something we make up because it serves a purpose in our lives at one point, but then it becomes something wholly ridiculous that prevents us from seeing the genuine truth.
So, what do I strive for?
Growth…not perfection. If I’m a better version of “me” than I was yesterday, then I think I’m doing just fine. Aim for growth, not perfection.
Love, K.
Author of Ten Iron Principles, Contributor in The Power To Make a Difference
What an honest exposure of why we sometimes seek perfection! Thank you for shedding light on a common problem that I, too, have faced.
I know what a struggle it is to let go of that illusion of control. I love to think that I can do things myself, but apart from God I can do nothing. Your concept of aim for growth and not perfection is similar to one I have of aiming for progress and not perfection. God’s not finished with us yet, and we don’t be complete until we are home in heaven. So, I strive to just let God work on me one day at a time.
Yes, I love that! Progress and not perfection!
What an honest view of a common issue! Thank you, Kelly.
Love it Ms. Kelly! In the end, you did exactly what I was praying you were going to do; you brought the message “home” my friend. I loved your last statement of “Aim for growth, no perfection.” Until we achieve that upward call” as Paul puts it, we will continuously be in a state of sanctification. It in in this state that we continue growing to be more “like Christ.” For me, and I realize I am different than you generationally, I’ve let the ideal of striving for perfection in my life behind and am comfortable going for “better” each day. God’s blessings sweet girl.
You are so wise! Yes, it’s letting that go and committing to continue to grow which is important. But, for years, I’ve operated under the guise that attaining perfection was not only possible but necessary.
Love this writing.i to try some how do be perfect. And believe me I’m far from.
Each of us is a work in progress!
“Aim for growth, not perfection.” I love that.
I identify with so much of what you’ve said here.
Great post that will help many people.
Well said!