The idea for a sacrificial love blog series came about during my last post in my series on clean living. In that piece, I talked about the number one single thing you can do to have a good life. Now, I’m moving onto a deeper type of connection. What is sacrificial love?
The Definition of Sacrificial Love
Often times, I’m super selfish (just keeping it real, folks). I like things the way I like them when I like them. This is the opposite of sacrificial love.
However, I have grown. I learned the benefit of delayed gratification… putting off what you can have now for who you can be later (which is a key not only for love but for success). I know what it means to commit to a goal, prioritize, and sacrifice to achieve it. Furthermore, I wrote a book about it called Ten Iron Principles (which comes out in September). This is what I do.
I don’t have a problem sacrificing for me and my personal goals because I know that I come through in the end. I’m reliable and solid. But, in relationships, it’s another story because sacrificially loving someone else is more of a crapshoot.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t find an online dictionary definition for sacrificial love, so I’m turning to that age-old passage in the Bible most frequently heard at weddings. The “Love Definition” in 1 Corinthians 13.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 NIV).
Sacrificial Love in Life
THIS is what I long for in a partner. As women, we are taught to look for a prince or a knight in shining armor. I don’t need a prince, and I don’t need someone to take a bullet for me. I can rise up against adversity with the best of them (literally, it’s what I do, people).
My personal definition? Here it is. What I need is people who will listen to me, believe in me, tell me they’re proud of me when I doubt myself, and hold me when the world beats through my armor and stings the sensitive soul inside me. I need people to do the thousands of little things they say they’ll do even if it costs them. My soul applauds people who call me on my crap and who are unafraid to hear the same from me. Additionally, love is consistency, the giving of time, respect, and the valuing of feelings.
But, and here’s the key: it’s giving these things in the manner in which the OTHER PERSON needs to receive them. If I continually “show love” in the ways which are easiest, most convenient, and best for ME…then it isn’t love at all. It’s a self-centered way to gratify myself. “Here, let me show you love and friendship, but only on my terms” is like watered-down whiskey.
Give to Receive
And, if I want sacrificial love for myself (in all types of relationships), then I have to give it to others. We cannot expect our needs to be met BEFORE addressing the needs of others (this is what makes sacrificial love so tough). Sometimes we seek acceptance from others when we do not give acceptance first. We cannot anticipate being respected if we do not respect first. Finally, we cannot take love from others when we are not prepared to give love.
Over the next three weeks, I’ll be looking at three ways sacrificial love manifests itself in our lives and practical applications for authentically drawing closer to those around us.
I made a commitment to choose love over judgment in my last blog post, and, if nothing else, I’m a woman of my word.
Love, K.
The “Later” is often the best reward of all Ms. Kelly. Thank you for another wonderful series of posts. I look forward to learning from each one.
Yes, we have to place the deposits before making the withdrawal.
Your statement that delayed gratification is ” putting off what you can have now for who you can be later,” punched me in the spirit hard. Wow… I will chew on that for a long time. That one’s going up on my corkboard. Thank you for adjusting my perspective today. I may not like it, but I appreciate it. 🙂
I know it’s a tough one, but it has made all of the difference in my life and in my walk with Christ.
You’ve changed my perspective. Just delaying my own gratification in an attempt to cater to someone else is bang on. I love how you said it. Like you said, it won’t be easy because I too like things the way I like them! But in the end, is it really worth it? Life is about love and in the end thats what its all about. Thanks for posting K!
This is a tough lesson but a needed one for me. God is growing me into a better leader and putting love first is the beginning!