Frequently, I see people in my life looking out for Number One. Sadly, it’s not that people choose to love selfishly. Instead, I honestly believe humanity doesn’t know how to love others sacrificially. And, I’m in that boat, too. So how can we increase our ability to love big and selflessly? Well, sacrificial love manifests itself in three ways: time, serving, and encouragement. So, let’s begin with the first one: love spelled TIME.
Sacrificial love means putting someone else’s needs before your own. While this commonly happens in parenting, I’ve noticed it less in adult relationships and friendships. In fact, I would challenge that society’s lack of sacrificial love as a whole contributes to the current divorce rate (no data just an anecdotal observation).
Love Spelled TIME
Let’s move away from speaking in the abstract and move toward the concrete. How do I grow in this area? What is one way I can sacrificially love someone?
Time. T.I.M.E.
Quality time is my love language (with a dialect of the other person planning…people who expect me to arrange everything drain me to the nth degree). The gift of time means more to me than anything else, yet with the busyness of life, we tend to hand it out part and parcel.
To explain, let me tell you a story. I met with a pastor’s wife from a previous church at a local Starbucks for coffee. We sat and talked probably for about an hour or so. I checked my phone and asked her when she needed to go because I didn’t want to keep her.
She responded, “I have nowhere else to be. All my time is yours” as she sat unmoving and relaxed in her chair.
All my time is yours. (This is literally the ONLY time anyone has ever said this to me).
We stayed and spoke for about three hours, and I cannot tell you what a gift that was. Nowhere else to be. All my time is yours.
In contrast, I’ve done the opposite to others (as recently as this week) and had others do the opposite to me. A friend once scheduled me in for a 45-minute lunch and dashed off before I could share what was on my heart. And, I’m the same. I am so busy that I literally schedule things in half-hour increments.
Me: “Okay, [insert friend’s name here], you can get one hour today and then we’ll reassess in two weeks.”
But I’m Busy!
Now, to be fair, I do try to accomplish a lot and am overwhelmed by the smallness of my life in comparison to the bigness of the world and my dreams (my dreams are SO BIG). Additionally, I feel pressure to make headway on my house, in my writing, with my next book, etc. However, there’s something to be said for giving time freely and openly without strings or conditions, something amazing about love spelled TIME. It truly is such a gift.
Thus, I’m going to try to make it a priority to give of my time more generously.
How do I plan to do this? (Prayer, people. A lot of prayer. I’m a planner through and through).
Here are a few starting places:
- Don’t schedule back to back visits and allow time to run over if needed. I literally just scheduled three appointments back to back for later this week. But, moving forward I commit to leaving more room to allow for life to happen.
- Turn off the TV. I love TV. I medicate with TV. However, I also think it’s the biggest time drain in the world. Write an email. Return your texts. Call someone to see how they are. This may free up some more time during the day.
- Be willing to set aside your personal goals for the benefit of someone else. (Did I just say that? That’s like giving my arm away.) How do I sacrifice what I’ve worked for? How do I say no to my own success and say yes to the welfare of others? I think I’m going to have to start small with tiny interruptions in my daily to-do goals.
No Greater Love
The Bible says it…there’s no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends (John 15:13 NIV).
The verse doesn’t mean taking a bullet for someone or at least it doesn’t mean just that. It implies sacrificing in all of the small ways for someone else…acquiescing to their needs instead of my own. “Laying down one’s life” is another way of saying “love spelled time.” It’s putting someone else’s comfort ahead of my own in the small ways, with the small things. And, that means time.
All my time is yours.
Great love requires giving time, making time, and setting people as my priority. So, I have two choices: I can stay at my current level of love for others or I can step up and go bigger.
What do you think?
C’mon? Have you met me?
I’ll follow this up in 6-12 months to see if I’ve been able to make any headway and love bigger with my time.
Love, K.
PS- small win the other night when I sacrificed my daily productivity goals to hang out with kids and a mom from the neighborhood!
Time is perhaps the greatest gift we can offer another person. Great thoughts ma’am. Something I try and remember is that “time is a gift” and I should not waste others’ time when meeting. Sometimes I tend to be too direct, but I think this a trade-off between chit-chatting away while the other person has other things to do and being “bossy” or dictatorial. I always try and remind myself that God gave me two ears and one mouth for a reason.
I agree! Listening is an art…I think releasing our agenda (of any kind) can help us be more present as well.
Time is such a precious commodity, isn’t it? I just LOVE this post, and I especially love the pastor’s wife’s attitude to give her undivided attention and time, for as long as was needed or necessary! That’s rare, and a great lesson for me to learn!!
It was the most amazing experience to have someone bless me with “unconditional time” like that!
Kelly, I agree that time is one of the most precious gifts we can share with others. It’s truly a sacrificial gift. But, as you state it’s hard! Our lives are so busy! I’m trying to do better, but I’d be grateful for your prayers. I’ll pray for you, too, my friend. This is a challenge.