Hey Crew, I hope you enjoyed the podcast from last week! I have to admit, when Rob told me we would talk for an hour, I was nervous! But, everything flowed so well. I’ve received some good feedback, but I’m always open to more, so please leave a comment on the post! Moving on, the title for this week’s blog is: Am I too self-sufficient?
Before I explain the title, I want to say thank you to my readers. Being a writer is a difficult road, and I’m so grateful to those who take the time to read my posts. I also greatly appreciate those who share on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook. It makes a huge difference.
Too Self-Sufficient
Self-sufficient. Who would have ever thought this would be a problem. Not me. During the pandemic, I dated a little bit here and there (check out my recent post on rejection). I’m open to the prospect of meeting someone and so I practice that openness in a concrete way. Recently while on a date, a man made a comment which floored me.
He asked me, “Why do you date? Why are you dating at all? You’re totally self-sufficient.”
Before I get to my response, let’s talk this through a little bit. Should people who date suffer from the “Jerry Maguire” disease and look for someone to complete them? Should we date out of need?
This guy’s question totally shocked me. While in my 20s when I was figuring out who I was as a person, maybe I looked for someone to fill in the gaps. And, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being attracted to someone who has different strengths. After all, a marriage is the ultimate team event… both of you against the world and everything it can throw at your relationship.
Do I Need Someone to Complete Me?
Let’s review some ways in which I MAY be self-sufficient. In the conversation during the date in question, I spoke to the guy about the house projects I do. I’m applying to become a foster parent because I think that racism, poverty, unwanted pregnancy, and a whole host of other issues that plague our society stem from a lack of self-worth and external love present in childhood. While I can’t change the world, maybe I can impact one kid.
Foster parenting is relevant to this post because I’ve completed a lot of house projects and am redoing some rooms to make them ready for the child. I learned how to install a toilet on YouTube. I’m now handy with a saw and a nailgun. I can cut in with a paintbrush like no other (seriously, it’s a gift). But, I still contract out a lot of the tougher things because it would take me too long to learn and master them.
I have a successful career in medicine, and I’m a successful author.
Does having a grip on my life and being able to do small projects around the house make me undatable?
Maybe it does. The pandemic has taught me that I need people, their support, and their love to survive. I know this. I accept this. However, being a single woman with dreams in my heart propels me to learn what is necessary for me to advance.
My Response
My response to the question tossed at me during my date was, “I’m a whole person. I’m not dating to fill a gap or because I need someone.” I want someone who values my self-sufficiency. No, no, no. I want someone who treasures it. Truthfully, I don’t want a man to complete me; I want a man to join me. Choose me. I want a man to say, “THIS is my woman. Check out all the !@#$ she’s done.”
I’m a whole person looking for another whole person. I want someone who sees me, hears me, and values me exactly the way I am today. I want someone to admire the parts of me that are self-sufficient and protect the parts which aren’t.
If that’s too much to ask, then so be it. I’ll keep fixing my own toilets.
Love, K.
Author of Ten Iron Principles, Contributor in The Power to Make a Difference
Totally agree and respect your thoughts. The world needs more people like you.
Thank you!
Very very good. Loved it.such a way with words .hope you find each other.
I feel ya! I know that I probably scared off a few guys before I met Jim. I then realized that I had been sharing all my independent skills a little too much and a little too forcefully up front thanks to a male friend telling me “A little less Xena and a little more Cinderella.”. That didn’t mean I had to play helpless, but it did mean that I could let someone get to know my heart first before I showed them my skills with starting a fire with a Bear Grills knife. Let’s face it….as women, we like romance and to be the center of his attention and he wants to feel needed. Yes, you can open that jar of pickles, but if he’s in the room, watch his eyes light up when you hand him the jar to open for you! That’s ok. That guy will be there for you when you are sick as you will be for them. Jim and I have butted heads…yes, I am the better camper and I can carry 2 cases of beer at the same time (my nickname is Butch now)….but he’s been with me long enough that I can be the self-sufficient one when I need to and that’s ok.
Have you ever read the book “Captivating” ? It’s by John Eldridge and his wife and I highly recommend it.. I haven’t read “Wild at Heart” yet, but want to. “Captivating” really put a lot of things into perspective for me too. One of his quotes in both books….”Deep in his heart, every man longs for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue.”John Eldredge, Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul….and from “Captivating”…. “We think you’ll find that every woman in her heart of hearts longs for three things: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty. ” Hang in there! I have no doubt that God has someone special for you!