There’s a weird competition thing in online dating, which I don’t quite understand. Repeatedly, I am asked the same questions by suitors.
It goes like this, “How has your online dating experience been?” followed by “How long have you been on the site?”
(Furthermore, many guys continually ask this over and over again until I answer).
Is dating a competition? Before learning anything (and, I mean anything) about me, men quiz me on my online dating statistics.
Are numbers a thing? Is dating a competition?
I understand the importance of talking about prior partner relationships (once you reach a certain stage), but I don’t see the value in discussing dating statistics. How is my length of time on the website valuable information?
Why wouldn’t someone want to know more about my personality?
(I mean, I’m fabulous…) 🙂
What are they looking for?
I hate to point out the obvious to these potential suitors, but clearly, I’m still single or I wouldn’t have answered their message in the first place. However, I try to respond with grace. (in vain, it’s a daily pursuit in vanity…)
Is there something I’m missing?
What is the relevance of the number of emails I receive in a week from prospective partners? Is that valuable information when evaluating me as a potential life mate?
I just don’t see it.
There are so many wonderful and amazing things about me (pat, pat, pat my own back): my love for roller coasters and football, my travel history, accomplishments in running, and being a writer.
There are quirky hobbies: lockpicking (after watching a Jason Bourne movie), solving a Rubik’s cube (I’m almost there), and my neverending pursuit of learning Spanish (for over a decade with kindergarten fluency) to start with a few.
What about learning how I think, what I enjoy, and my best and worst experiences in life?
But, no. Those things don’t seem to matter to some would-be-daters.
The most frequent question I get?
“How have things been going for you on here?”
Not that well, folks. Not that well.
Is dating a competition?
But alas, I press on. I mean, “keep going” is what I do best. I’m an endurance athlete for crying out loud!
(My gaze shifts to the 100-miler belt buckle radiating from its shadow box).
My tombstone will read:
K.A. Wypych
She got it done.
So…I swallow the tepid water and put my best foot forward.
“Things on here have been fine. Do you like to travel?”
K.
You make me laugh! I think they are really asking why has someone else not chosen you? Or if you are just on the site then maybe you have not been left in the dust! These men are not for you Kelly. They are too concerned about what others think rather than getting to know you and make their own decision!
That’s probably the best explanation! Every time I get asked those questions, I stop and think, “What is this about?” I’ve never had an answer before! It really is a circus.
Love it! Keep on going!!!
Unfortunately, it does keep going. 😉
This is great! And I’ve heard similar from other online daters. Perhaps such questions say more about the seeker and their competiviveness/insecurities!
Maybe I should start my own dating site! 8) (just kidding).
Wow, what a great post! I appreciate your insight and thoughfulness/intelligence. It’s so true. Thanks for making me laugh too ?
My dating life really is comical. Sometimes I can barely take it. 🙂
People – smh – we’re a crazy bunch, aren’t we? I like your humor, as I’ve noticed many other commentors say above! (When my mom moved into the only home she lived in as an adult other than the old dilapidated farmhouse I grew up in or the doublewide trailer that she added a sewing room onto that cost almost as much as the trailer, her favorite thing to ask other people moving into new homes, “and what is your square footage?” Now, this over-70-year old gal that is my wonderful mom had no idea how arrogant that was coming across….she’s not mathematically inclined, so their answer didn’t tell her anything, but she just thought it was a great conversational piece! Sometimes, I just think people, like my mom, don’t even think before they speak!!!)
I know it can be a harmless ice breaker, but it was the frequency of the question that perplexed me! I mean this is how I’m greeted by 60% of online suitors!
I love your article. This Christmas, my adult children told me it was okay for me to start dating if I was ready. As if I need their permission, I thought.
I’m a 65 years old widower — my wife of 43 years past away from cancer last April. I have not gone on a “date” since she died. I listen to ladies in my secular writer’s group discuss their experiences with online dating.
It seems like they are keeping and seeking statistics as well.
I pointed out I am a Christian. In response to a question of theirs, I answered that yes, I would consider marrying again. I stated that I could marry someone with breaking God’s standards — that is I could marry someone without “honeymooning” or even kissing them before marriage (think courtship like the Duggars on “Counting On” or “19 Kids and Counting”). After all, I worked out pretty good with my late wife.
They were also shocked to hear me tell that I had lunch with a long term female friend who lived near an out of state Christian conference I attended last year and I asked her to bring her 80-something-year-old mother with her even though this wasn’t a “date”. Her mom chaperoned our meal at the Cracker Barrel. By the way, she was a sweet lady.
Striving to be a man of God as a recent widower is harder than I thought as even the “Christian” women seem to embrace the world’s standards more than follow the Biblical standards. I pray for a hedge of protection for myself from the “golddiggers” and my sinful nature.
Friendship and companionship are undervalued. If I ever remarry someone is going to find themselves adored, prayed for, and treated like a princess on a pedestal.
I don’t think I have the stomach for online dating. If I don’t know the lady or have friends that have known her for a long time, I’ll probably pass.
I met my late wife at church. My children say the only thing mom and dad had in common is their love for the Lord, love for attending church, love of Christian music and their Christian values. Folks, that’s not bad common ground.
Hmm…so far I’m not impressed by the men who’ve corresponded with you. I’m with you–I don’t see the point in asking “How long have you been on this site.” I’d be tempted to answer, “I’m selective–think you can meet MY criteria?” Love your sense of humor. Sometimes our ability to laugh and be joyful (secondary to to our relationship with Christ) is the only thing that gets us through the tough times. Keep ’em laughing, Kelly and don’t be shy about weeding out the goats.
I’ve learned that weeding out is a difficult yet necessary process. God has blessed me in so many ways, and I trust Him completely. I will only settle for one He has for me who adds to my life. Thanks for the comment!
I love your honestly in the journey. I think a lot of times people ask that almost as a gauge to see how jaded you are or not. Don’t get jaded. God will do what He needs to do in and through your life in His timing and ways. He hasn’t brought you this far to drop you on your head. 😀
Haha! Thank you for the encouragement! I trust His plan…but man, it does make me scratch my head sometimes!!!