Fear in relationships. Is there anything worse?
Physical abuse exists within some couples, but I’m speaking about anxiety over questions such as, “Does he really care about me?” or “What is she doing right now?”
Have you ever felt that way?
Sometimes we hold onto what we hope for too tightly, pushing God right out of the picture. From time to time we aren’t upfront with our significant others about our feelings and relationship goals because we are afraid.
How do we let go of fear in relationships?
What we base our relationships on is the determining factor.
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. – 1 John 4:18
God speaks specifically about the nature of romantic relationships. Ephesians 5:25 says that husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church.
How did he treat the church? He sacrificed everything for its well-being. Does that mean men should do the same?
Husbands are called to lay down their lives (their sense of self, ego, and desires) and put the women in their lives first. Now, if your woman takes advantage of this, she’s probably not the right person.
Men are called to step it way up by laying it all down.
Do women get off scot free? Ephesians 5:33 instructs us that women should respect their husbands. Women in dating relationships need to elevate their men by encouraging them, not disparaging them in public, applauding their leadership, and seeking their counsel.
(Maybe you’re not married, but if you’re in a relationship moving toward marriage, then you want to start viewing your person through this lens.)
So, what does this have to do with fear in relationships?
Fear comes from focusing on what the other person does rather than what we need to accomplish.
Instead of wondering if your man loves you, look at the level of respect you show him. How can you further encourage him? If you are worried she doesn’t feel the same, focus on showing her how you feel (counterintuitive, I know).
Love is complicated enough without throwing fear into the mix.
Not all relationships work, but it’s still a success (in a way) if you learn something from the experience.
Make sure you focus on who you want to BE in the relationship and not what you’re looking FOR.
Trust me, I’m the dating expert. Love casts out fear.
Love, K.
May I double “like” this???? Excellent perspective and something that takes a while to learn!!!
It’s so easy to get caught up in our own stuff
Great insight. ?
Thank you!
You know, K.A., this powerful statement you wrote could benefit us in other relationships beyond romantic ones: “Make sure you focus on who you want to BE in the relationship and not what you’re looking FOR.” I think I’ll keep that in mind with friends and other acquaintances as well! Thank you for sharing.
Fear permeates everything and can hold us back from achieving our dreams and goals in all aspects of life. Thanks for reading!
You’ve shared many helpful reminders to strengthen our relationships, but perhaps the one that leaps out at me the most is the focus on letting our partner know how we feel. So often, I think we look at what our partner is doing or not doing (in regard to our expectations), rather than communicating our true feelings. It’s easy for fear to creep in when we are so focused on control.
Very true! We can also get in the habit of thinking our partners are mind readers! Thanks for the comment
Your statement, “Sometimes we hold onto what we hope for too tightly, pushing God right out of the picture, “ is good to remember in all aspects of our walk with Christ. Wise words
Thank you. Wise words.
Fear can hinder all of us!
A change if focus changes everything else. Thanks so much. This is great stuff!
I agree!
You had me with the first image–LEGO stormtroopers!
I think the best way to alleviate fear in romantic relationships is to ground our identities in Christ. The more we’re satisfied and complete in Him, the more we can act like He would act in the relationship, and the less we worry about the other person.
Isn’t that picture great? It’s from Pixabay. Thank you for reading and for your comments! I agree!