I recently got into a discussion with someone about whether love is a noun or a verb. However, I don’t mean actual grammar here. I mean, is love a feeling to be felt or an action to be taken?
Can we find love, can we find this feeling? Is it like finding lost keys or that earring that fell under the dresser? Or being surprised by a washed five-dollar bill in your jeans’ pocket?
Is the “feeling” of love is like the Holy Grail in an Indiana Jones movie? Or is it sacrificial love toward others?
Is Love a Noun?
Let me be really honest, brutally honest here. For me, love identified solely as a feeling puts the onus on the other person to generate that feeling….like if I get a “significant other A+” on my most recent relationship test, then I can feel proud and get a gold star. I can be one step closer to experiencing love, to finding that feeling.
Are relationships a quiz? How do I earn love? How do we cause those feelings?
The Brutal Truth
To illustrate, I’m currently awaiting my first foster child placement. I feel pretty certain that I will love the children who come into my home despite the circumstances.
What do I mean?
These are a few hypothetical examples…
- When a child screams, “you’re a @#$%^. You’re not my mom!”
- Or when a kid steals from me or lies to me
- When someone acts out in my home because of an issue with the biological parent
Truthfully, these situations don’t generate a feeling of love. Yet, I know the love will be there. I know because when a foster child leaves me to be reunited with their biological parent, though I will be happy for the family… I. Will. Be. Leveled.
I will experience separation and pain as I have never felt before. Is my love a feeling? Or an action?
Is Love a Verb?
In my eyes, love is a choice. Yes, we have feelings that go along with that choice, but in “Kelly World,” love is first and foremost an action.
I choose to love in advance. Honestly, I don’t wait for a feeling to “happen.”
Hence, I will feel love for the children in my home. I’ve already made that choice. I made it when I started on this journey.
Furthermore, I’ve already decided that the pain I will feel during my separation from them will be worth it… I will endure my pain gladly to provide security the kid will feel having a warm bed, good food, and a superhero therapy cat named Larry. It’s worth it.
I’ve already decided.
In Relationships?
Is love a noun or a verb?
In romantic situations, I approach love the same way. First, I find someone who’s compatible enough, and, then, I choose them. I decide to meet in the middle on issues that may come up between us. Additionally, I opt to hear their needs and to meet them. I say, “Hey, I’m going to stand by you.”
This is what love is. It’s saying, “I choose you.”
“I value you.”
“You count.”
And, making sure our actions show the other person that our words are true.
Peace and courage,
K.
PS- Incidentally, the first Bible verse that God ever used to speak to me was John 15:16.
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last.
Author of Ten Iron Principles, Contributor in The Power to Make a Difference
This is beautiful! How you approach your love for future foster children can be applied to so much. But admittedly, your situation requires courage beyond what most of us can imagine. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you! Please be praying for me…I’ll be in way over my head. <3
Beautiful post. Something I should not forget in some difficult times… Thank you a lot!
I read your post and was at a loss for words. The first thing that came to mind was “beautiful,” then I read the other comments and was delighted to see the same response. Love is unconditional and shown through action.
I agree and think it’s so important to make your commitment a priority.
This is a really difficult question but I feel like love is the only word that can be considered a noun and an adjective. I feel like it starts off as an adjective and then move on to a noun. I feel like it starts up as a feeling and then those feelings turn into the actions that we tame, But I also believe this differs from person to person and their personalities
Yes, I can see your point. I think, though, if we only rely on feelings, we won’t be able to endure the tough parts of relationships.
This is an interesting article – opens the floor for a really big discussion. I think that love is by far the most complex thing that one can experience in their lifetime. I think everyone understands, gives, feels and “act” love differently depending on many factors, including factors that can’t be explained or measured such as sensitivity, etc.
Thanks for sharing and good luck! 🙂