A few weeks ago, I spent the day climbing a mountain and summited Pikes Peak. I had the mountaintop experience (literally and figuratively) and am now back at sea level. And, I’m afraid. I’m filled with anxiety and fear.
Why?
I’m afraid I’ll forget everything I just learned. Inside I’m scared I’ll revert to my old ways and patterns. My soul is frightened I’ll miss out on the next thing.
The mountaintop climb up Pikes Peak was likely the best personal experience I’ve ever had. When I crossed the timberline after hiking eight miles up the mountain through a variety of terrains and vegetation, my life perspective was altered.
I cannot explain how intimate the encounter was with nature and with God. I saw eye to eye with mountain tops, touched rock formations seen from the ground, and trekked across the large boulder field which drapes Pikes Peak like a scarf. To clarify, I wasn’t in nature; I was a part of it. More so than any outdoor experience I’ve ever had.
But, what if Holly hadn’t suggested it? Or Nikki hadn’t asked to go with me? What if I had been too afraid to try? And I had missed it?
My heart sinks in my chest at the thought. I would have failed to capture that moment…the communing with nature in such a profound way, the coming together with the spiritual force of God in the beauty of this world. I would have missed it. And, that terrifies me.
If you don’t have a mountain, build one and then climb it. And after you climb it, build another one; otherwise you start to flatline in your life. -Sylvester Stallone
What else have I missed?
Let me be 100% truthful here, I don’t really fear death. I cannot wait to get to heaven, high fiving all of the saints and my loved ones. While I’m not super excited to give an account before God of who I’ve been (because I’m a crappy human in the way we’re all crappy humans), I am excited to finally meet my brother, Robbie, who I’ve never met or seen or known in a physical way.
Additionally, none of us can work our way into heaven. Even the nicest of human beings sins. However, my entry is based on the payment made on my behalf. So, I don’t fear death.
You don’t climb mountains without a team, you don’t climb mountains without being fit, you don’t climb mountains without being prepared and you don’t climb mountains without balancing the risks and rewards. And you never climb a mountain on accident – it has to be intentional. -Mark Udall
Climbing a Mountain
While death holds little sway over me, I AM afraid of not living my life to the fullest. What if I get stuck in my rut of working, watching TV, cleaning, cooking, drinking…whatever… and miss out on all there is in the world?
Pikes Peak showed me that I’m not living my fullest life. In those moments climbing a mountain, my entire self was alive. I was wholly present in my own life.
But, how often am I not present in my life? How frequently do I take a back seat and turn on the television or scroll aimlessly through my phone? That’s not living, people.
Now, we all need rest. I get that. I have a Sabbath day and write about the importance of rest all of the time. But, that isn’t what I mean. I’m talking about time wasted, energy wasted, and time when we don’t fully engage our minds/ bodies/ souls in our lives. Look around…it happens every day.
I know it seems like no big deal…I never thought it was either. But, up there, I realized I only get this one life, and it’s half over. I have big dreams, huge dreams inside of me that are dying because I choose to live small in my own life.
Keep close to Nature’s heart… and break clear away, once in awhile, and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods. Wash your spirit clean. -John Muir
Personal Mountain
Undoubtedly, the hike came at a time of great personal change…I’ve been using multiple avenues to conquer some inner demons because I feel God is preparing me for my next level (to be a wife, actually, though I cannot believe I just had the stones to write that).
And growth? While awesome, personal growth feels a lot like fear because you are standing way out of your comfort zone.
I am here for a purpose and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not to shrink to a grain of sand. Henceforth will I apply ALL my efforts to become the highest mountain of all and I will strain my potential until it cries for mercy. -Og Mandino
The Lesson
I need to stay vigilant and be present in my life. Moreover, I need to love more and bigger. We stay safe and hide behind our walls in order to avoid pain. Unfortunately, we avoid living at the same time.
So, I commit to loving with all of me every day no matter what the cost. If I go down in flames, so be it. But, I refuse to live in a safety zone I created for myself because vulnerability was too difficult and personal change was too hard.
In conclusion, climbing a mountain reinforced some new choices I need to make daily. I choose:
- living over being stagnant.
- change over comfort.
- love over judgment.
Today, I will be present. Today, I will grow. Today, I will love.
Thank you, Pikes Peak. I’m forever indebted.
K.
“Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” -Matthew 17:20 (NIV).
(Check out the highlight video!!! Working on my film making skills.) 🙂
My dear and sweet friend Ms. Kelly. If I could offer only two words today to encourage you they would “Then Don’t!” Don’t allow your Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) cause you to spend your energy worrying rather you’re doing the right thing or if you should be doing something else or trying to be someone else. Simply be the wonderful, sweet, caring person God made you to be. You are fearfully and wonderfully made my friend. Don’t try to change yourself into becoming someone you think someone else thinks you should be. Instead, allow the Holy Spirit to form you, grow you, and shape you into God’s mold for your life; not was this world says you should be. Surrender yourself to the freedom of being the imperfect child of God you are (we all are) and enjoy the journey God has you on ma’am. You may never realize it while in this life, but your “imperfect” is being used by God to help others see His light, love, mercy, and grace through your life’s testimony. God’s blessings young lady.
No, JD, it’s not a post about missing out. It’s about living too small. I’m not trying to become something I’m not; I’m trying to become all that I can be. Too often we coast through life, stuck in a daily rut, not being present in our world on a moment to moment basis. We sit comfortably where we are, and I do not believe God created us to stay in our comfort zones. This post is my commitment to live big and love bit. Always. I would challenge you to see if you hang out in your comfort zone in life…to look at where you may be living small, where you may be mindfully numb.
Your post really resonated with me today. Although I’m older than you, I too, have that fear of not living life to the fullest. I feel there’s so much more to be done. Loved your comment about “loving more and bigger.” I’m striving to do that, too. Thanks for the encouragement! Your pictures are awesome.
Thanks, Katherine. I’m really trying to live fully in each moment. “What can I notice about where I am now?” It’s not easy, but I’m liking the results so far.
Your pictures are STUNNING! Thanks for sharing your journey and your revelations with us!! I pray you’ll be blessed as you live life to the fullest and enjoy all that God created you to be!!
Thank you! Mindfulness is a positive thing!