When people hear the phrase “clean living,” I think several things come to mind though congruence isn’t usually at the top of the list. Firstly, clean living can mean moving forward in life after overcoming an addiction to a chemical substance. Secondly, it brings connotations of healthy eating with the addition of whole foods and the reduction of processed foods. Finally, the words can create an image of living according to spiritual principles.
Clean living reflects all of these things but means even more. In this next 4-part series, I’ll go over alternative ways that clean living can benefit us and what I think the most significant components are for my own life. After all, I’m my best test subject.
Congruence with Others
To begin, I think congruent living is an essential aspect of clean living. What do I mean by congruence? Well, it means having what you say equal what you do. Being congruent means living out your internal principles in an external way.
Congruence is something I strive for; I want to make everyone who meets me equally important and show them the “whole” me. The “real” me. Do you have people in your life to whom you reveal only a shell or small piece of your true personality?
People, relationships are the meaning of life. Therefore, we exist to be in connection with one another and to experience life side by side. I’m not an expert here and am currently working on my own demons (life is a growth process). However, “clean” living means clean relationships. It’s impossible to have value and depth in relationships if we cannot be real.
Congruence with Ourselves
In addition, another part of congruence is being honest with ourselves. One of the myriad of things God has shown me lately is that just because you don’t voice a struggle or concern doesn’t mean it isn’t real. It only means you don’t openly discuss it.
If you struggle with materialism or jealousy or depression, etc., but don’t openly acknowledge it, that doesn’t mean you don’t suffer from materialism or jealousy or depression. That fact remains unchanged. It only means you don’t talk about it.
Somehow in our society, we have equated “not talking about it” with “it doesn’t actually exist.” (Insert Family Feud buzzer sound here). It doesn’t work that way.
Sharing problems can be scary (trust me, I do it on a weekly basis in this blog!), but keeping them in the dark only serves to give them power. If I don’t address the trust issues I have and continue to let them wreak havoc on my life… how is that better than openly identifying them and working for a solution? Or at least a better way of managing or coping?
Clean Living Involves Acceptance of Self and Others
For me, congruence is being who you are to the fullest extent. You may not be perfect, but you’re amazing and awesome and there is no one out there like you. Believe it! You don’t have to seek perfection in order to be loved or to love.
Being congruent is accepting who you are (and who others are) as okay. It’s making sure who you are coincides with how you act. It’s demonstrating sameness in relationships. And, it’s allowing struggles to be okay and to be known.
People can’t love the real you if you don’t show them. Trust me; I know how scary that is.
3 Tips
So how can we be more congruent?
1. Check your social media self. It’s okay to post all of the wonderful things which happen to you or your personal opinions or to promote your purpose in life but keep it real. Life is difficult. Congruence allows us the opportunity to have someone minister to us and to minister to others. That exchange is invaluable. Be conscious of the social media painting you create.
2. Journal about your strengths and weaknesses in each part of your life…work, friendships, church, activities, relationships… and see if they match up across the board. I can be a very different person in romantic relationships than I am in other areas of life, so I’m dealing with why that is. To clarify, it’s a sign that something needs to be healed. Because I want to live my best life, that involves addressing areas which need to be dealt with.
3. Get an accountability partner or confidant to share your inner struggles. Make sure this is a safe person. Indeed, being able to come clean in the light can make all of the difference in overcoming a struggle. Moreover, you will likely find that others grapple with the same thing. Life is universal in some ways.
Hey, I know it’s not easy, but I’m not sitting in the cheap seats. I have a lot to learn and don’t have it all together. However, God has shown me my next step, which is addressing the areas of incongruence so that I can live in a greater place of peace. Trying to live behind a façade is burdensome and exhausting. Therefore, I’m embracing who I am and what I need to work on.
Congruence. Clean living.
Love, K.
Looking forward to more in this series ma’am. I agree, especially about being our authentic, genuine selves, all the time, with all the folks in our lives. Sometimes I can be an Eeyore and other times a Tigger (you wouldn’t know I love Pooh stories with the kiddos would ya); the key is that I am that way with everyone, not a Tigger to my “church friends” and then come home and be Eeyore with the family. Hope that makes sense. God’s blessings ma’am.
Yes, it makes total sense. And, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. Clean living is partially about being authentic.
Great post. Integrity is one of the most valued traits a person can have. The same through and through. Great tweetable posts too – which I did 🙂 Thanks for this series and I am looking forward to more.
It’s amazing to me how integrity can be overlooked these days!
Thanks for posting! I totally agree with the importance of having an accountability partner! It has made a huge difference in my life having someone who will ask me the tough questions and call me out when I stray.
You’re touching on some tough subjects recently, Kelly. Thank you for sharing your wisdom on “clean living.” I strive for that, too (congruence is not a word I use very often–seems like the last time was in math class!) I’m very thankful that we don’t have to be perfect to be loved. We humans need each other and if “perfect” was a requirement, we’d all be in trouble.
So true. One reason I think social media can be a bit depressing.