Let me preach for a minute here. And, TRUST me… I’m preaching to myself first. If you’ve ever settled for less or even THOUGHT about settling for less in a relationship, then this is for you. You are worth more. Never settle. Boom.
Previously, this series only had three posts, but then Pastor Chris preached a rousing sermon at church one Sunday while I was still in “draft mode” (FYI, I have stages writing: drafting, crafting, and editing).
For some reason, God likes to speak to me when I’m at church. Frequently, I see myself up on stage, sharing a message, teaching my game.
But, I don’t have a stage, so you’re going to get it here. This is my platform. THIS is my stage. And, this is my rant.
The Lion of Judah
In worship, we sang a song about how our God is the Lion of Judah.
A Lion.
That alone is enough material for me to draft a blog. To rephrase it, God is bigger and stronger than anything we face, whether a relationship hurdle or any sin which separates us. Further, His best for you is better than anything you can imagine.
Yet, WE settle because we are impatient, because we don’t see the whole plan. We settle for less in relationships because we believe there may not be anyone else.
The Lie
(insert gong sound)
How on earth can we believe that lie, that there is no one else? Really?
On the contrary, there are five BILLION people on the planet. Yet, we fall for the untruth that the joker we just dated is the ONLY one for us?
Come on, brothers and sisters, there’s no way that’s true (preaching to myself). Even statistics are on our side!
In addition, what about the medium lie? Well, he (or she) has many traits I’m looking for, so it’s okay if I settle.
NO WAY.
What would life look like if we never settled in anything? What would our families look like? Our jobs?
Now, I’m not referring to a complete lack of compromise with others. To explain, I mean a complete lack of compromise with ourselves. You want it? Go get it.
God Would Never Ask You to Settle
We settle because we don’t REALLY believe God is who He says He is. An underlying belief that He’s really not that good or powerful or timely unhinges our resolve.
We settle because we doubt.
Here’s the thing: God loves you. He died for you. Moreover, He wants only the “bestest best” (my new phrase) for you. Therefore, how can we think that “Mr. or Ms. Not-Quite-Committed” is His best for us?
Negative, Ghostrider.
I’m Coming for the Ladies First
God is the Lion of Judah. THE Lion. Guess what?
Consequently, if God is your Father (and He is), that makes you the lioness, the hunter (yeah, girl). Likewise, you’re the daughter of the King of Kings. Do we really think He wants us settling for scraps? For the crumbs “Mr. Halfway-In” throws our way?
Uh-uh. Not happening.
For the Gents…
If God is the Lion and you were created in His image….then, guess what?
That makes you a lion. The King of the jungle, Leader of the pride. This role isn’t meant to swell your head, “I’m so awesome; I’m a lion.”
In contrast, it’s designed to show you the responsibility you possess.
King. Of. The. Jungle.
Specifically, you have to care for and manage all the things around you. This includes her heart, her mind, and her soul. You’re responsible! How are you handling this?
I Settle
Indeed, I sell myself short all of the time. I do it because I doubt I deserve true love in the way that is best for me. Plain and simple.
How sad is that? Talk about broken…
So What Can We Do?
1. Get rid of expectations
Now, I know what you’re thinking, What, what? Girl, you just said we need to go after what we really want.
Yeah, yeah, I did. And that’s true. But, what you want may present itself in a very different package than you think. Because God’s plans aren’t our plans.
In short, that’s the problem I have with online dating. My profile needs parameters, yet, God doesn’t. Let go of your preconceived notions.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9 NIV).
2. Guys need to pursue
I know I’ll catch flack for this, but let me be completely honest. In my dating experience, men, in general, follow the path of least resistance.
Conversely, I want someone who wants me… someone who loves me with 100% of who they are, not 50%, not 75%. I want someone who is all in (I love you 3000!).
But, I have the tendency to help the guy along (of course he needs my help, right?)
“Well, I want him to know I like him.”
“Maybe I’ve confused him.”
“Let me just step in and take control.”
No more.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, but if a guy wants to know how I feel, then let him ask. Certainly, I love words, and I love talking.
Sidebar: men, if the girl in your life isn’t sure of where she stands with you, you’re not doing your job (just sayin’…).
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25).
3. Create the life you love
Andy Stanley says to stop looking for the person we want and start being the person THEY would want to be with. Therefore, grow your life in a way that will draw in the type of person you desire.
You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand (Psalms 16:11).
How Do We Move Forward?
For example, I tend to find people who need someone to take care of them (I’m a caretaker for a living). However, that isn’t what I want. In short, I desire someone strong to take care of ME!
Hence, I’ve started looking at different things. Does he have his own friends? Are there hobbies and activities in which he actively participates? Does he have career goals and aspirations? What is his level of follow through? After all, actions speak louder than words.
(I’m open to suggestions here).
So, this is my sermon on how great you are and how you should never settle in relationships (not compromise, settle). You are awesome. Never believe otherwise.
And for the love, the next time I start thinking about settling for “Mr. Maybe-He’ll-Do,” will someone please send this back to me so that I can preach to myself?
Love,
K.
I would have benefited from hearing this years ago. Only when I realized I was complete and full in Jesus Christ —with or without a man by my side— did I find my lion. Great post!
Thank you! It’s encouraging to know that there ARE lions! 🙂
Well said Ms. K.A. Wypych. While I am certainly not qualified to offer counsel to a single person, I can only say from my own experience (a guy who found God’s gift for me) when I quit looking is this. Find happiness with who you are first. Once you like the self you’ve become, then stay that course. Don’t change to be the person someone else might want you to be. If you stay true to yourself, then the right person God intends for you, will find the true you. God’s blessings ma’am.
Yes, I’m in agreement. Working on myself is the way to go!
“Stop looking for the person we want and start being the person THEY would want to be with.” This is an awesome message. I wish I had internalized this when I was young, single, and foolish. I, too, went through a stage of “settle.” I failed and made my partner (and myself) miserable. It wasn’t until I put God first, my husband, second, and myself last, that I was able to have a warm, loving, happy marriage. It’s not perfect, but it’s God centered. That’s when we were able to find happiness. Wishing you the best, my friend.
Oh kid I love you. Great job.
Thanks so much! I really needed to read this!