Honestly, the first Singles series was fun to write. However, this one feels more real. More raw. Certainly, this group of blogs reveals more about my inner core (especially this one and the next). Alright, so here it is: I stopped online dating.
Part of the reason I wanted to write this particular series was to expand on why I made this decision. Of course, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying online dating is a bad thing. I know lots of amazing couples who met online. At the same time, I decided meeting someone online is not for me.
My Super Prayer Husband
Why didn’t online dating work for me?
For starters, when people told me to pray to God for EXACTLY what I want, I went to town and made a list (Readers, I love lists!).
I mean, I’m not kidding here people. I. Went. To. Town. And believe me, I’m good at lists.
Thus, my paper included everything from his height to his passions in life. Pretty great, right?
But, here’s the thing: the majority of the “God moments” of my life weren’t something I would have ever dreamed up. And yet, they were exactly what I needed.
In fact, they were better. Playing football in high school? The Ironman? Writing a book? All surpassed anything I could have hoped for.
The Reality
The Bible encourages us to pray:
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7 NIV).
So, I faithfully prayed through my “husband list.”
Then, it happened. Finally, I met a guy over the last little bit who, on paper, embodied everything I wanted. Go me!
On the contrary, through further investigation, God revealed that he actually lied to me a great deal.
Whoa! I took a step back and stopped online dating.
I mean, this person checked every box (unlike some of the others), and yet, totally fooled me.
Game Over
Here’s the thing: I don’t always know what is best for me (Trust me, I think I know, haha, but really my biases limit my vision).
Currently, I pray a targeted prayer for my future husband and nothing more. Praying specifically for what you want in a mate isn’t wrong…just not the best option for me.
Like the perfect husband prayer, the nature of online dating involves using criteria to rule prospective suitors in or out.
When I look at my life experiences, God doesn’t use parameters.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9).
To clarify, never would I have guessed that an Ironman triathlon would lead me to Jesus. NE-VER. In the same way, I think I’ll be surprised by the man that God ultimately puts in my life. (And honestly, I want to be surprised. I LOVE anticipating surprises!)
Until then, I’m Going to Do My Thing
So, I stopped online dating. BUT (and this is a huge but), don’t cry for me, Argentina. I love my life!
I travel the world, help those less fortunate than I, have a great career, work diligently in my personal ministry, have great relationships in my church and family, am in good health, and live in my waterfront home! (My mom, who prays for me more than anyone else, frequently tells me a man will only complicate my life).
The End Game
When God is ready to bring my forever person into my life, He will. I have total faith in my Lord.
Until then, I’ll go back to the last words God spoke into my life through the Holy Spirit.
- Write
- Become a foster parent
Hence, I establish writing goals and work my way through them.
Now, I can’t even imagine the stress of fostering. I know it will be the toughest thing I’ve ever done. I’ll need support groups, counseling, and prayer (and Bourbon…just kidding).
Hence, I feel like I’m in a period of preparation. I’m getting my house ready while God is getting me ready.
The only thing I know? To be open to what he has for me as I move forward in His purpose for my life.
Trust me… I’ll keep you updated. 🙂
Love,
K.
Ms. Kelly; with all due respect to your mom, the right man (the man God has planned for you) will not complicate your life, he will complete it. I applaud you for stepping back from the pursuit of the perfect mate, and are instead focusing on letting God do what He does – without parameters! My prayer continues to be that you pursue God and that He prepares both you and your future husband for the predestined time for each of you. Trust me, I reached a point in my post-marriage life that I was fine with just me and God (with a little companionship thrown in from time to time). When He gifted me with my wife Diane, my worldly life was completed. She is another “God’s gift” in my my life, but it took both of us many years or preparation to reach the point He needed us to be. I pray the same for you my friend.
You are so wise! Yes, I’m stepping back and focusing on what I know the Holy Spirit has spoken into my soul. Thank you for your ever-present encouragement.
Kelly, I know this is all part of your journey, but I’m glad you’ve ditched the online dating. God has a plan for you and as you indicate, it will be better than anything you can imagine. So proud of you for fostering. I’ll be praying for you!
Thank you! I’m excited and scared at the same time!
Your mother also prays for your happiness . Love your writing. Love you.
I agree with you mama to a point … the wrong man will complicate your life more than you can ever imagine. The right man, one who loves you as Christ loves the church, will complement your life. The question in any relationship for so many is loss of autonomy. So many men and women I know stay single where they don’t have to answer or share responsibility for everyday decisions as well as life decisions with anyone.
I think there is a way to compromise, however, people can think of themselves first.
Kelly, I am so touched by this post. I’m sorry about your negative online dating experience. But I can see how God used this to bring you to where you are today. Your honesty, faith, trust, and surrender to God is inspiring.
Thanks for sharing. Keep shining and keep “keeping it real.”
Praying many blessing on you, sister!
Thank you! I’m a fan of “keeping it real.” Vulnerable and out in the open… 🙂
Awesome! The Lord led me to this decision a couple of years back and what a stress free turn my life has taken. I’m a single dad raising his two young teens and focusing all energies on helping them become who God desires them to be. Good luck to you in all of your future endeavors. Good bless…. MB
Thank you! Sometimes I feel like I’m trying to put a square peg in a round hole. It sounds like you have your priorities on track!