I believe in old-fashioned dating (I know, I know…so antiquated…).
During my 20s, I was a feminist (I still am but in a different way) and didn’t want any man to do anything for me (I’m a big girl). However, over time I realized that gender roles aren’t necessarily negative if the proper level of respect exists.
Now, I enjoy being the girl, or woman rather. I appreciate the strength and protection men have to offer. In fact, I seek it. Not because I can’t handle life on my own; the opposite is true. But, there’s something nice about having someone look out for you.
I wish I could bring back the days of soda fountains and old-fashioned dating.
Are providing and protecting still real concepts in relationships? Or is this old-fashioned dating?
Maybe it’s just the men I run into or maybe it’s men participating in online dating. But, on the whole (and I’m just being truthful here) the men I encounter are wishy-washy.
When did it become the woman’s responsibility to handle courting? (Courting…I’m such a geek…I told you I like old-fashioned dating).
Now, I live in the same technologically savvy, modern era as everyone else. Thus, I MAY be all alone in longing for the days of the soda fountain. I repeatedly ask myself:
Am I crazy?
Should I expect Christian men to be strong in their thoughts and actions?
Do I set the bar too high? (I’ve been told that I do…)
Amos 3:3 Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?
Based on the above verse in Amos, my job is to be in agreement with moving forward. But (and this is a big BUT…), I’ve dated several men who waited on me before making any decisions or progress in our relationship.
They waited for me to be the leader.
Is this normal? Acceptable? Reasonable?
Let me give you a basic example:
Instead of asking for my phone number, men will commonly give me their number and instruct me to text them. My old-fashioned dating mindset is taken aback by this approach. (Is it too much for a man to ask for my phone number and then make the first communication?)
Here’s my take (and you may think I’m horrible for this, but…)
Asking a woman for her number and calling her vs. giving her your number and expecting her to pursue you is like the difference between a lion and a Venus flytrap. No lion sits and waits for the antelope to run in his direction.
Be the lion.
I Long For Old-Fashioned Dating
Other examples of tricks I could do without:
1. Men will email/text endlessly, never stepping forward into the next phase of actually meeting or speaking, seemingly waiting for me to do it.
2. Men continued to date me for months never discussing the direction of the relationship until I bring it up for discussion.
Dating is difficult! Maybe there is a rulebook I’m not aware of? 🙂
As I sit here and write it occurs to me that my lack of answers may be why I’m still single. 🙂 Even so, I’ll stick to old-fashioned dating. (After all, I want a lion.)
At least, my foster cat, Larry, seems to find my company indispensable.
Your favorite CSAW (Christian Single Adult Woman) signing off,
K.
Author of Ten Iron Principles, Contributor in The Power to Make a Difference
And God will provide a lion if he’s got a mate for you. ?
He better! I’m not good with plants! 🙂
Thank you for this great post Kelly! Larry is so cute ?
Larry has been a blessing!
Before I met Jim, most of the women who got the guy they wanted actively pursued them – even women my Mom’s age! I was little bit shy about that and Jim pursued me. You certainly can’t wait for UPS to deliver the man of your dreams as you have noted, but I’m not sure online dating is where it’s at either. I met Jim by going and doing the things I like to do in a Meetup type of group. Join a running club, art club, writing club, etc etc. If someone regularly attends those, then others will know them, you will know them and your relationship can start as friendship. Friends take the good stuff as well as the bad…they accept you for you. There is no romantic pressure. Loving someone is not fireworks. Those fade quickly. It’s someone who sticks around no matter what – who loves you, takes care of you, thinks you are beautiful all sweaty and covered with dirt from yardwork or are all snotty from a cold. That’s not only a lover, but someone who will let you cry on their shoulder……and it’s ok if it starts off with them giving you their number. (((Hugs)))
Yes, I’m starting to agree that online dating may not be for me. I have done all of the things you suggested, but it hasn’t been God’s time for me. Thank you for the words of wisdom!!!
Sigh, I think this is a reflection of changes in our society and the overly dependence that most have developed in regard to communicating using phones. It’s even difficult to have face-to-face conversations without the interference of technology. I can completely identify with you when attempting to balance our independence while still encouraging a relationship. It’s a challenge and takes a special man to be able to cope with a strong woman and still be a lion. I’m blessed to have found one. I’ll pray for you. God has a plan for you.
Katherine, I miss face to face communication. It is so demoralizing to go out to eat and see a whole table of people sitting at the restaurant on their phones, basically ignoring each other. I haven’t settle so far, and I have no plan to in the future. Thank you for the prayers and encouragement!!!
Love you cat picture!! I have some single friends in your situation, too, and I would be honored to pray for all of you. Thanks for your honest and vulnerable post!
You’re not the only one! I’m very old fashioned too. I agree with everything you said. I hope you find someone who has all the qualities you’re looking for 🙂
Nicola
http://nicshealthylife.co.uk