“Once while standing in line at a minor-league baseball game, I spied an Ironman tattoo on one of the guys in line. In three seconds, we became buddies; the comradery with Ironman is so steep.”* The bond between us was instantaneous which begs the question, “what are the secrets to connection?”
Before I start, I want to say thank you to my readers. Being a writer is a difficult road, and I’m so grateful to those who take the time to check in on my posts. I also greatly appreciate those who share on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook. It makes a huge difference.
Have you ever met someone that became your friend immediately? Or have you ever known someone for a long time and never gelled? Since the appearance of COVID-19, connection has become so important. Maybe more than ever (at least in my lifetime). All good relationships take patience, love, and time, yet there seems to be that secret ingredient as well. The secrets of connection.
Secrets of Connection
As someone who “hates people” routinely (read “gets overwhelmed by the general human nature of humanity”), I’m uniquely qualified to comment on connection. When life and people get to be too much, I’ll frequently respond to my mother’s question of, “How are you?” with, “I hate people.” But, I don’t really hate people I’m lacking connection.
So, how do we dig deep and foster connections with those around us?
1. Empathy
Empathy. This is literally the key to relationship success. Don’t believe me? Ask Brene Brown. Being able to see things from the other person’s point of view is the key to connections. If we focus on ourselves, our perspectives, and the effects that every situation has solely on us, we miss out on the emotional and intellectual handholding that comes along with giving another person the stage in a discussion as we listen.
2. Common Ground
Common ground was the reason for the bond in the story with the guy and his Ironman tattoo. We shared our personal stories and developed a connection because of a common experience. Each of us knew exactly what the other person had endured in order to get to the finish line. One of the secrets to connection is to find places in your life and personality where you overlap with someone else.
3. Vulnerability
Too often in our society I feel like vulnerability is characterized as weakness. Believe me, nothing demonstrates more strength than to be vulnerable in front of someone else. If you’ve ever posted something on social media that was difficult for you to say or had a difficult conversation with someone (where you continually played your speech over in your head and your heart was pounding), then you understand the power behind vulnerability and the risk one takes in being vulnerable. However, vulnerability is one of the greatest secrets to connection because you have to share part of yourself to have a relationship with someone else.
Final Thoughts?
I’ve thought a lot about people over the last year with the pandemic. I’m not going to lie, this was a tough year. I battled episodic depression and fear as well as anxiety for the majority of the year. Walking into a hospital during the first half of the year was like walking onto the Titanic every day. The weight of that stress cannot be overstated.
So, I thought about people and how much I need them. Though I may “hate people” from time to time, the reality is is that connection and relationships are the most important things in life. If you feel like you’re alone, the secrets to connection can help you build friendships and relationships.
Love, K.
Author of Ten Iron Principles, Contributor in The Power to Make a Difference
* From Ten Iron Principles
