I’m Starting with the Man in the Mirror

Hey blog peeps! First, I love you guys so much…thank you for your comments and shares. It means the world to me. Last week I recounted a lesson from ants. Seriously, ants (ants got skills). They highlight the benefits of individuality. Check it out if you have a chance. THIS week, I’m taking it deep because I’m starting with the man in the mirror.

Let me share a story…

There are a lot of bad drivers out there. Like…a lot. And, who are the worst drivers? Maryland drivers. Bar none they are the biggest idiots that I’ve ever encountered on the road. For sure. Period. End of story.

Key highlights:

• The back up merge

Someone misses an exit and, instead of driving to the next exit and doubling back, they pull over into the painted stripe area between the highway and the off-ramp. THEN, they put the car in reverse and back up in the painted area and into the road (which ends up being in both lanes, the highway and the ramp) until they make it to the point where they can now take the exit. Ridiculous.

• The stop merge

When cruising along an on-ramp and getting close to the highway itself, some people panic if there’s traffic. AND, they stop. Stop. On the on-ramp. Then instead of merging comfortably, they need to wait for a large enough gap to get to highway speed from standing still. Great. (I’m invariably behind them.)

• The slow turn

Sometimes I drive behind people and they slow down to two mph for over 50 yards before a turn. It’s enough time for me to stop, throw open the driver’s side door, head to the local convenience store for some popcorn, and still make it back to watch their turn.

The Reality

Truth be told, there are terrible drivers in Maryland. HOWEVER (with capital letters), that they annoy me probably has a lot to do with my own self.

Maybe I left 10 minutes late (like every time)

Or I might have a grandiose sense of entitlement (Millenial sized)

Even better, maybe I overpacked my schedule spreading myself too thin

You see, there is a portion of my reaction that I need to own. BUT, it’s so easy for me to put it out THERE (read “there” as I gesture emphatically with both hands moving in circles) and blame everyone else.

Now, I’m not saying I’m the cause of idiot drivers…idiot drivers are real, believe me. But I’m complicit in every emotional reaction I have.

Starting with the Man in the Mirror

Listen, folks, I don’t have a prayer of becoming a great leader if I am unable to take stock of my own emotional kitchen. Self-awareness is the beginning of all good things… integrity, accountability, and personal growth to name a few. If I cannot look at myself clearly and see the ways in which I contribute to every conflict (even ones that are largely not caused by me), then I blow it.

The failure isn’t my emotional reaction (though it can have consequences). Instead, the dropped ball is that my inability to clearly see the “opportunities for growth” will limit my potential in the end. Self-awareness is key.

Did you catch all that?

To ensure that I hammer this into my own brain, I’m going to say it one more time with feeling.

Other people are going to do what other people do.

Consequently, some will piss me off, act like idiots, and be selfish. As a result, I will be in conflict with humanity at various points in my life (it’s part of the human condition). People cannot escape conflict (believe me, I’ve tried).

In order to grow BEYOND who I am today, I have to start with the man in the mirror and look realistically at how I contribute to my conflicts.

After all, my life isn’t about them…it’s about me. So, I have to start with me.

How does my emotional reaction take hold? Great question. I’ve started to refer to it as “the grip.” But, that’s for next week… 🙂

Peace and courage,

K.

Author of Ten Iron Principles, Contributor in The Power to Make a Difference