Let it go! The cold never bothered me anyway… or did it? Peeps, let me be real for a second. Life is hard. I’m exhausted from how emotionally difficult things seem to be… continuously. I mean, can’t things go well without conflict for at least six months or so? Is that asking too much?
Before I continue, I want to say thank you to my readers. Being a writer is a difficult road, and I’m so grateful to those who take the time to check in on my posts. I also greatly appreciate those who share on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook. It makes a huge difference. You guys are the bomb.
So, I’ve learned a bit about expectations vs agreements over the past year. Expectations are things you place on someone else, and agreements are “contracts” made where both parties agree. My theory is making agreements will cause less conflict than placing expectations.
I mean, right? That sounds plausible.
But, what about when there is discord outside of agreements? When someone treats you poorly because they have a different viewpoint or varying priorities? We ARE all different, you know. It’s normal for us to like and want different things, for us to have individual emotional reactions.
BUT, this is what I hate. Why do I ALWAYS have to be the one to fix them? I don’t lack gumption or courage, and I like order, which is a recipe for me trying to fix everything. But, I can’t. Nor do I want to.
So, I have to let it go.
I think letting it go can involve resolution and discussion, but does it have to? Can I let things go by myself? Other people seem to be able to do so. Thus, I made a commitment to master this.
3 Tips to Let It Go
1. Hit the Road, Thoughts
I’ve started taking my thoughts, one by one, and choosing or not choosing them. As something crosses my mind, I decide if I’m going to give it brain time. Now, this does require a strong “observer” in your mind to see the thoughts and emotions instead of reacting to them, but I’ve been able to do this (admittedly, I’m a novice at best).
2. Ask Better Questions
Let me tell you from personal experience that, “How could you do this to me?” is not a helpful question. Not in any way or to anybody. I’m not saying that people don’t sometimes have selfishness or other bad traits at the core of their actions and words. However, I AM saying that it’s counterproductive to your own health.
I’m coming up with better questions. Instead of, “How could you do this to me?” I’ve started asking, “What do I need?” or “what do they need?” It takes the focus off blame (which never solved anything) and opens the door for a new perspective apart from the pain I’m experiencing.
3. Go Big
People, I pray. God is a big god, and if I believe in the abundance found in my friendship with Him, then His help is indispensable. If you don’t believe in God or don’t like to pray, then meditate or sit quietly and listen to that gut voice inside (you know the one I’m talking about). Let your anger and hurt dissipate into the universe. The universe can take it, but it can be toxic for us to hold onto.
Okay, so let it go. And, I will, too. Fingers crossed. (And, maybe, some of you could stop annoying me so much…help a girl out).
Love, K.
Author of Ten Iron Principles, Contributor in The Power to Make a Difference
Love your transparency, Kelly. Conflict resolution should be a college degree major. We all need it and it’s difficult to do well. Your suggestions on how to let go are good ones.
I agree! We can all use more of this!
I think you are into something my friend! I too have always had a difficult time letting things go, and have secretly envied people who can. I think it may come partly from caring…also other things. Meditation is a new thing I’ve been doing, and it helps. Nice shades!! Are those the ones that fell into the lake, and we searched for them using different tools, for like 30 minutes? Maybe I need to let that experience go, hehe, but actually it was pretty fun. Love you my friend. YOU are the bomb, and your writing is really great ❤️
I also have envied people who can…but there’s no time like the present to make a change. And, yes, those are the same glasses… I bought another pair! 🙂
I’ll stop annoying you.. I will never stop loving you.
Haha….oh, mom! Love you!
Yes–we often have to let it go. I do my part but can’t be responsible for another’s response or willingness to forgive or reconcile. The I continue to let it go to God. Love what you said about giving something brain time.Marilyn
I’m printing this post to help me with the thoughts you described. Thanks so much!
Sage wisdom spoken from the trenches. I’ve struggled with these, too, but like you have realized that anxiety about it takes a hard situation and just makes it harder. We want people to like us, appreciate us, seek to please us, and value their commitments to us. But when that doesn’t happen, well, people like to be around people that make them feel good. And if I carry a chip on my shoulder I’m chasing away the very people whose friendship or approval is of vital importance to me.
Yes, letting things go to preserve relationships is important. However, I also mean letting relationships go that may not be beneficial to us.