Home Improvement: Oh, What Fun It Is

So, I’m shifting gears a bit after my raw video from last week. I firmly believe in transparency, thus, I will tell you what I’ve recently endured. Home improvement sagas have never had such a heroine as I (my superpowers are out of control).

Home Improvement

Recently, I tried my hand at plumbing. To clarify, I didn’t attack a huge undertaking right out of the gate. Instead, I decided to replace my bathroom sink drain assembly (see how professional I sound now?).

The drain assembly, in specific plumbing terms, is that pop-up thingy that stops water from going down the drain and the metal ring thing that sits in the drain hole (I’m thinking about becoming a plumbing apprentice, what do you think?)

Subsequently, I watched a few YouTube videos (read: over a dozen) and figured I could get this home improvement done. I ordered some channel-lock pliers, the drain assembly, and some plumbers putty (this is getting serious!). I estimated the project would take about… say… 45 minutes to complete.

Mistake Number One.

No home improvement takes the amount of time I think it will. Instead, each endeavor requires roughly 4-5 times as long as I guesstimate.

To begin, I pulled all the crap out of the cabinet under the sink and lined my upstairs hallway with baskets of brushes and hair styling equipment, plastic bins of hair dying supplies, several bottles of cleaning products, and a plunger (Eewwww!).

Next, I worked on removing the disgusting, corroded, rusty, gunk-covered drain assembly. I needed to use two sizes of channel-lock pliers (my new favorite things), one holding the metal ring above the sink basin and another one under the sink holding the bottom shaft of the assembly (you can imagine what this looked like with my little T-rex arms...).

Meanwhile, it took about five minutes of force resulting in a bent sink ring…but eventually, the drain came loose. (I win!).

Leaky Pipe Battle

Then I pull out the directions for the new drain assembly (which are different from the video), and I try several combinations of gaskets ultimately deciding to go with the plumbers putty outlined in the video. Afterward, I tighten everything up, trying to whisk the channel-lock pliers around in the small space.

But, something was leaking. I struggled and struggled for thirty minutes but I couldn’t seem to figure it out.

So there I was, on my back wearing dollar store reading glasses with a flashlight in my mouth. Unfortunately, the light kept moving around with the metal scraping on my teeth.

Finally (after what seemed like hours), I realized the water lines were leaking (what? I didn’t touch those!). Apparently, I bumped one supply tube with the channel lock pliers and the old gasket started to leak.

So, after I spent 30 minutes more watching some new videos on how to fix the lines, I swiftly headed to Home Depot to purchase the necessary supplies. And, I fixed it. 4-5 hours later. Geez.

Works like a champ though. 🙂

The Bee War

One day last weekend, I slayed a bee. At least, I think I did.

This home improvement drama all began as I sat on my deck drinking my coffee with my Bible and saw a large, 2-inch long bee climb INTO the underside of my railing. (What?)

I couldn’t believe my eyes, so I tiptoed over there and half bent over to look (lest I get stung in the face). On the underside of my railing was a perfectly round, one centimeter sized hole. A two-inch pile of wood shavings littered the deck underneath.

A bee house. This is a bee house. There are likely baby bees in there.

Oh, hell no.

I dashed up the stairs and grabbed my trusty bucket of spackle (who buys a gallon of spackle anyway?). I carried the jug under my arm with the putty knife ready in my other hand.

I stopped on the deck 2-3 feet away. No sign of the bee, so I slammed the putty knife into the spackle, scooped up a generous amount, and slathered it at long range with my arm fully extended to avoid getting attacked by a mad bee. Half the spackle fell on the deck but the hole was covered. I finally breathed and I waited.

Nothing. For the next hour.

I left for a 13-mile walk/run (the miles won’t run themselves). After I returned home, I headed out to the deck to assess the situation.

There was a centimeter-sized hole eaten through the spackle.

A Home Improvement Bee?

Great, I have an infestation of construction bees. Okay, Bee. It’s on.

I went upstairs and grabbed my hot glue gun. I sat the gun on a plate and plugged it in near the deck door.

First, I squirted copious amounts of a kindergarten strength insecticide (primarily lemongrass oil because it’s safe for Larry) into the hole in 3-4 rounds of dashing in and squirting and then running back toward the door in case the bee decided to attack.

Second, I grabbed the hot glue gun, wiped the tip off with a tissue, unplugged it and dashed out. Subsequently, I fired 3-4 times into the hole.

Unfortunately, gravity pulled the hot glue out of the hole. I only had the tissue in my hand, so I pressed it to the hole to prevent the contents from spilling thereby gluing the Kleenex to my deck.

But, it held.

About 45 minutes later, the bee returned persistently trying to find his hideaway. He’s going to keep coming back, I thought. Hence, I decided he needed to tap out.

From here, I grabbed the virtually useless insecticide and my swatter. I doused the bee in mid-air repeatedly, covering myself in a fine mist of lemongrass oil each time. I tried to swat him and missed. We had four rounds of this over the next several hours, and with each encounter, the bee was a little slower, a little more unsteady. The lemongrass oil was having an effect.

During our fifth round, I swatted and missed and he flew up and looked me dead in the eye. (Weird, right?). I am totally not kidding here, but he had spackle on his face covering what looked like his right eyebrow. He had eaten through the spackle when it was still wet, and it dried to his face. He hovered for a second and then buzzed toward the railing.

I swatted him and made solid contact.

I never saw him again after the spackle-eyebrow showdown. It disturbed me slightly that I never found his body, proof of his demise. But, I still count it a victory.

Homeownership has been interesting, to say the least. I need to buy myself a cape.

🙂

Love, K.

For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything (Hebrews 3:4 NIV).