Give 100 Percent: Repairing Relationships

Good morning, folks. I’m back with the hard truth here yet again. (This is how God made me, and it’s a burden, believe me). In this series on repairing relationships, we’ve met head on: why relationships fail, when and how we should offer an apology, and the importance of forgiveness. I mentioned how relationships are not 50/50. Instead, they’re 100/100. We need to give 100 percent to have successful relationships. To figure out what it means to be 100/100 in relationships, let’s take a gander at how a 50/50 relationship looks.

Give 100 Percent

First, let’s take a look at what giving 100% doesn’t look like. Note that when I say relationships, I’m referring to romantic relationships, friendships, and family relations. It’s “relationship” in the more generic sense.

The freedictionary.com says that 50/50 means, “Divided or shared in two equal portions.”

Ergo (what a great word), a 50/50 relationship means that accountability, responsibility, loyalty, faithfulness, etc. are divided into two equal parts.

Do I really want someone who is 50% faithful to me?

Obviously not. I want someone who is committed, heart and soul, to me and our relationship.

What about responsibility? Being 50% responsible for the integrity of the relationship seems okay at first glance. But, what happens when my job becomes so stressful that I’m having trouble coping? Or what if my depression creeps in and knocks me down for the count?

What happens to my relationships when life beats me down, and I can’t carry my 50%?

Expectations

If we walk around expecting the other person to be functioning at the highest level, providing their 50% of the relationship or friendship at all times, we’re going to faceplant. No one can stand up under the expectation of perfection.

This happens in a lot of relationships (or at least in mine). We hold onto our 50%, waiting to see what the other person will do. A few red flags pop up, but we can cope for a bit. The relationship can survive on lust, fear of being alone, or familiarity for a short time when the relationship is 50/20 or 30/40 due to life circumstances. But in time, we wear out and the relationship crumbles. There are more withdrawals than deposits, and the bond suffers.

100/100

An “all in” committed relationship says I’m going to give 100 percent, believing that all of the communication issues rely on me to help fix, understanding that the other person feeling loved is 100% my responsibility, and that creating time is on my plate.

Seem unfair?

Yes, it does. I never said it would be fair. Or easy (when have I ever talked about something easy?). But, it does offer grace, and it is the answer.

Seriously, follow my logic here. When one partner has anxiety and can’t comfort the other after a bad day, the relationship survives because it’s 30/75 (in that moment).

When financial stress upsets one person, the other can clip coupons as a gesture (Note: I’ve tried and tried to clip coupons, but I just end of going through them each month and throwing out the old ones without ever using any of them) and things hang in there at 85/35.

Or maybe your book just came out, and all of your friends support you and understand why you’re not calling them back (true story with my book, Ten Iron Principles).

None of us are perfect. We have to allow the other person to have a bad day.

(Caveat: this applies to committed relationships and not necessarily to dating. In dating, I think we’re evaluating a potential partner to see if they’re 100/100 material).

Okay, well, this post involved a lot of math. But the key? We can’t expect more from someone else than we expect from ourselves. Further, if you’re not giving 100% in your relationships, maybe take a look at why and whether there is some healing which needs to take place.

Love, K.